from the Ahnishinahbæótjibway (We, the People)
I am running for any Chippewa Tribal Office! Vote for me, Naanaboozho. My campaign is a campaign for Good Government in the Democratic way. Naanaboozho is looking for the Tribal Office where there is the most money to be made, where there are the most Treaty Rights to be sold, where there are the most resources to get kickbacks on. This is my platform:
• Where there is corrupt government, I will be in the thick of it.
• I will support graft, kickbacks, and backroom deals.
• The news media should be closed because they only confuse the issues by making people aware of what’s going on.
• Indian people shouldn’t have any rights, because they had them before the White man came, anyway.
• The U.S. Government and the State should keep control of the schools because they need a work force of “strong backs and weak minds” at $3.35 an hour.
• Whether it’s Communism or Capitalism, the State owns everything. Indians used to own everything, but since Europeans brought Feudalism to this Continent, Indians should assimilate at the bottom of the hierarchy. Being a peasant or a peon builds muscles and character.
• I favor welfare and general subsistence payments out of trust funds. Indians don’t need the money anyway, and welfare causes low self-esteem.
• I favor foster care, and using the White dollar and White laws to break up Indian families.
• I favor the “hands off policy,” and keeping the media uninformed, so that “science” can be advanced by doing experiments on Indians.
This platform will be used to run for United States Senate also. That’s where the really big money is. I’ll be in the thick and the think of it. When Indian people wake up and kick the scoundrels out of office, I’ll quit running. Until then, I’ll be a candidate in all the elections. You can’t have Good Government without Naanaboozho!
This Campaign Ad Paid on My Behalf by My Low Friends in High Places.
By Francis Blake